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Heavy Wears the Crown: Love Yourself First

I think it’s important that every woman learns how to make love to herself.

How to investigate the deepest spaces of who she is and allow the light to penetrate those cracks.

How to showcase beauty as unique and individual as a fingerprint in whatever way serves her, and to permit the highest of highs and the all-time lows to paint the portrait of her existence.

How to find purpose through pain.

How to discover confidence through insecurity.

How to elicit strength through vulnerability.

I think it’s important that every woman understands that the source of her power comes not from the color of her hair or shape of her body.

Rather, the power that creates the goddesses who walk among men comes from the inside. The inner glow that illuminates even the most distant caverns of our hearts and minds.

To be a woman means you are a life force.

You are a creator where there was once nothing.

You are a visionary.

You are a healer.

You are a mystic.

You are the sun and the moon, and all the stars combined.

You are the entire goddamn universe, and there is nothing more powerful than the twinkle in your eye or the lion’s heart behind your rib cage or the laughter from the fiery depths of your core.

I think it’s important that every woman learns how to give herself the credit she deserves. The freedom she desires. The momentary stillness that makes her a more mindful being.

You are more than silk and satin, leather and lace. You are more than cozy slippers and weathered cotton tees.

You are the entire universe, cloaked in flesh and skin and bone.

A force to be reckoned with. Divinity among men.

And yet…so many of you will read this and say things like, “I agree but…”

Leave the “but” out of it. For once in your life, take ownership of your strengths with the same ease that you’re willing to discuss your flaws. For once in your life, accept the compliment without putting up a fight. For once in your life, recognize that amid the world’s wildest expectations and most impossible standards…you are here.

You are a mover. A shaker. A source of inspiration.

You are a force. A presence. A totally unique and beautiful addition to the mosaic that creates your existence.

Some days, you may believe everyone else has it all figured out, and that you’re the only one struggling.

Some days, you may hate every outfit you own.

Some days, you may refuse to look in the mirror.

Some days, you may believe that you could never do or be or achieve what others around you do.

And yet, life is so very short. It's one fleeting momentary blip, relatively speaking. Imagine what would happen if you took that energy and channeled it into making a list of every amazing quality about you. If you recounted every accomplishment you’ve had in the last year alone. If you spoke of yourself with the same warmth and compassion that you speak of others.

Imagine what would happen if you read your own resume or listed your own credentials or heard an account of every obstacle you’ve ever overcome in your lifetime. Imagine how inspired you would be by that person. By her resilience. By her strength. By her capacity to move mountains.

Imagine how awe-struck your own existence would leave you…if it belonged to anyone but you.

Imagine what it would feel like to wake up every single day…and possess the confidence of a man.

Try it out. See how it feels. You've got nothing to lose. Make loving yourself a habit. Turn self-appreciation into a daily practice. Speak the potential you possess into existence. Write love letters to yourself. Find quotes and songs that inspire you. Dress up and take yourself out on a date. Buy yourself a romance novel. Go to a museum and get lost in the negative space. Order dessert and nothing else. Write words of affirmation that embody not only who you are, but the person you want to become, on a post-it note or a cocktail napkin or an alcohol swab in your scrub pocket. Make healthy choices most of the time; be decadent some of the time; and be gentle with yourself when you confuse the two. Be a tourist in your own city. Buy yourself fresh flowers. Book a naughty photo shoot and document the time in your life where you finally said, “caution and in-laws and belly be damned” and let someone else pamper you for an afternoon.

And if you don’t have much time – most of you don’t, between family responsibilities, professional obligations, and how quickly the hours fly by – become predatory in finding some. Scavenge for every moment you can to sit and meditate for ten minutes or journal for five minutes or take a sexy selfie in the bathroom before diving back into cleaning the kitchen.

The only way to romanticize your own existence, is to search for the beauty in all things. But the very first space you must honor is your very own throne. Bow down before yourself. Kiss your own hand. Place the crown upon your head and wear it with conviction. And then – if you’ve got another woman in your life who freely gives her devotion to everyone but herself…remind her of the limitless potential of her power.

Strip down every now and then. Reconnect with your spirit. Bare your entire soul. Embrace how it feels to leave the negative self-talk behind and co-exist with the two most valuable people in your life: the woman you are and the one you hope to become.

I think it’s important that every woman realizes, the life she has is rarely the life she deserves. Keep reaching. Keep working. Take a break. Take a breather. And proceed when it serves you. Keep turning your dreams into reality. Heavy wears the crown...but damn, does it look good on you.

Boudoir Photography: Logan Roquemore Photography

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